您现在的位置: 方向标英语网 >> 考试英语 >> 雅思英语考试 >> 雅思考试辅导 >> 文章正文
 最新英语            北京赛车信誉群
 推荐英语            北京赛车信誉群
 热门英语            北京赛车信誉群


作者:stephen    文章来源:方向标    点击数:    更新时间:2011-9-21 【我来说两句

北京赛车信誉群 www.xyu3.cn


1. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

4. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

6. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.


7. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

8. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

9. Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

10. Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?

11. Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.


12. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

13. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

14. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

15. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

16. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”


18. Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

19. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

20. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.

21. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

22. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

23. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.

24. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

25. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

26. Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

27. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.

28. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.


29. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

30. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.

31. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.

32. Courage is knowing what not to fear.

33. The measure of a man is what he does with power.


34. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

35. If you are going through hell, keep going.

36. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

37. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.


38. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

39. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

40. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man?living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

41. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

42. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
42. 这让我想起了我三年级老师跟我说的话,她说:“你给我看一个热带水果,我就给你看一个危地马拉口交者?!?/P>

43. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
43. 我没上过十岁的,我有一晚上用五乘以了二。.

44. What year did Jesus think it was?
44. 上帝啊,你以为这是个什么年代?

45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
45. 我们不能把十戒贴在法院的真正原因是:你不能让“不可偷窃”、“不可通奸”、“不可说谎”这样的字眼出现在一个满是律师、法官、政客的地方,这样会创造不利的工作环境。

46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

47. “No comment” is a comment.

48. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

49. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.


50. Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

51. There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

52. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

53. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

54. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

55. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

56. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
* As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)
                 * 就像《L.A 故事》中的哈里斯.K.特勒马西(1991)


57. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush?I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough?Somebody shoot me in the face.”
-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner

58. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.

59. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

60. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.

61. I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

62. Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir”.

63. Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

64. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.”

65. Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.


66. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

67. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

68. We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.

69. We declared war on terror-it’s not even a noun, so, good luck.

70. Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.
Jon Stewart’s Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005


71. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

72. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

73. Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

74. They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.


75. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

76. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

77. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

78. Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”


79. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.

80. If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.

81. I’m surprized Hitler didn’t round up the toupee people.”


82. A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
82. 最近一项关于警察的研究表明,如果你逃跑的话,被胖警察击中的可能性比较大。

83. The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.
83 普通美国人日程上的空档比菜鸟在镖靶上留下了洞还少。

84. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”
84. 唯一能让法国卷入伊拉克的方法就是告诉他们,我们在伊拉克发现了法式顶级巧克力。


85. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

86. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
86. 最高法院决定华盛顿不能上演耶稣诞生剧,但并不是因为宗教原因。因为他们找不出三个智者和一个处女。

87. Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
87. 美国现在体重超重的人要比体重正常的人要多。所以,体重超重的成了正常体重,也就是说,你新年许下的愿望已经实现了。

88. The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
88.  《新英格兰医学期刊》有文章称九成的医生认为有一成的医生是笨蛋。


89. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
89.   我的父亲随身带着一张孩子的照片,这个孩子是和他随身带的钱包一起到他手里的。

90. Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
90. 我小时候在脱口秀行业混的时候很穷,经常跑到宴会去吃葡萄。

91. I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
91. 在我这个年龄,我想要两个女孩。这样我睡着的时候,她们也好有人说说话。

92. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
92. 一个女孩给我打电话说:“你过来吧,我家没人?!庇谑俏胰チ?,她家的确一个人都没有。

93. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
93. 如果你是双性恋,周末出去约会的概率一下提高一倍。

沙拉.斯尔弗曼  名言

94. When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.
94. 如果上帝让你得爱滋——是确实让你得了爱滋——那就弄点柠檬水杀爱滋。

95. I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
95. 我曾被一个医生强暴,你知道,这对一个犹太女孩来讲是苦涩而甜蜜的。


96. Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
96. 每个区都有两个一样的购物中心,一个是白人去的,另一个是白人以前去的。

97. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
97. 我住的地方治安极差,差到你还没挨完第一个枪子,第二个枪子又来了。

98. If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.
98. 如果一个看起来十六岁的女的跟你说她二十岁,那她实际十二岁。如果是看起来二十六,跟你说也是二十六,那她可能已经快四十了。

99. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”
99. 你知道这个世界有多疯狂吗,最好的饶舌歌手是白人,最好的高尔夫选手是黑人,NBA身高最高的选手是中国人,瑞士人卫冕美洲杯帆船赛事,法国指责美国自大,德国不参战,美国最有权的三个人分别叫“布什”(译者注:英文“杂草”的意思)、“迪克”(译者注:美国俚语里“男性生殖器”的意思)、“科隆”(译者注:“结肠”的意思),还用我就更多例子吗?

100. “You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
Chris Rock while hosting the Oscars

101. Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.


  • 上一篇文章:
  • 下一篇文章: 没有了
  •  英语图片文章                                          北京赛车信誉群
  • 凸显“海丝”特色 第二十届投洽会在穗举行推介会 2019-06-01
  • 天津与中核集团签署战略合作框架协议 2019-06-01
  • [酷]此文已经把马克思理论、边际理论、人类需求层次理论、生物学理论、心理学理论、社会管理学理论等理论在哲学层面完美融合了! 2019-05-17
  • 何小燕.blog的博客—强国博客—人民网 2019-05-17
  • 第525期:吃素养生?没想到加重心脑血管疾病风险 2019-04-29
  • 工商总局将针对“双11”等网络促销出管理规定 2019-04-24
  • “首届中国非处方药行业品牌宣传月”活动将在北京举办 2019-04-17
  • 8周年!全新米聊开启内测:优化聊天新增连麦小游戏 2019-04-16
  • 三只树懒漂洋过海亮相杭州 看着都困 2019-04-07
  • 食物-热门标签-华商生活 2019-04-07
  • 落户新政后天津楼市突变 每平米房价一夜之间涨了两三千 ——凤凰网房产北京 2019-04-04
  • 窦靖童神还原爸妈 马思纯200元上衣拯救麒麟臂! 2019-04-04
  • 日本民众期待小泉之子挑战安倍 希望推动日本政坛“世代更替” 2019-04-01
  • 十九大代表、海口市公安局琼山分局飞鹰大队大队长冯晖:把十九大精神讲清楚、讲明白 2019-04-01
  • 轻松打造浅色复古家居 2019-03-28
  • 443| 746| 606| 311| 357| 372| 409| 869| 593| 846|